If you can spot these signs, you may be able to reach people with one foot out the door—while improving the health of your church.
By Brian Boyles
What if no one ever left your church? What if your church was so amazing that once people visited, they were hooked and became fully engaged members who serve faithfully, give generously, and worship passionately?
That would be nice. It may not be realistic, being that they’re human and all, but that sure would be nice.
Although you may not become the kind of church where no one ever leaves, what if you could reduce the exodus to such a degree that fewer people want to leave?
As a ministry leader, God has given you a vision of what the ministry could look like if you had the right people all rowing in the same direction. When people jump ship at your church—or even show signs they might be leaving—that vision can become blurry.
Believe it or not, it’s possible to spot the signs that are common among those who are considering leaving. If you can spot the signs, you may be able to reach them where they need to be reached—which could help them decide to stay.
1. They stop attending church events.
Those who once were active suddenly start missing Sunday mornings. Or, you notice their family is no longer attending church together, but are now split between two or more churches each week.
Maybe they stop attending ministry meetings, or suddenly they keep their kids out of student events like camps, retreats, or service opportunities. Or perhaps they no longer show up at church social functions. It’s a concern when they no longer enjoy the fellowship of their church family.
What to do about it:
It could be they’ve attended events in the past that are poorly planned, disorganized, or run late. Maybe the family has grown accustomed to other churches doing things with a higher level of excellence and they are let down by the quality of what they’ve seen in your ministry.
Take this as an opportunity to improve what is done in your ministry. Seek outside advice for areas to improve. Consider deploying a “mystery guest.” Conduct a debrief meeting for every event you have (Sunday services, weekend gatherings, Wednesday night services, etc.).
Is the place clean, in need of touch-ups or a renovation? Are the greeters friendly to guests? Is the building easy to navigate from the parking lot to the pew and back again?
Are the children ministry workers friendly to kids? Are the students growing in discipleship? Is the quality of the music acceptable? Is the sermon strong, clear and not too long?
2. They never invite anyone to visit with them on a Sunday.
If you’ve offered events that would lend themselves to bringing a friend, yet this person never invites anyone, this may be a sign that they’re on the way out.
When someone is invested—excited—about their church, they tend to want to share it with those in their sphere.
What to do about it:
Not to be redundant, but it may be because they feel there is nothing worth inviting their friends to. It’s OK to have low quality at an elementary school recital, for example, but it’s not acceptable to preach boring sermons.
If you want the people in your church to invite their friends, give them a service that interests them. Make sure the sermon is biblical, strong, clear, convicting, and interesting.
Make sure the music is great. It’s better to have a repertoire of 10 songs done with excellence than to have 40 songs that are hard to listen to.
3. They become increasingly critical of the church.
More specifically, they become more critical of church leadership, the church methods, or of the church in general.
It’s different if this person asks to meet with you to discuss a different perspective, or if they have questions about a strategy or a decision that’s been made.
But once a person becomes vocal in their criticism, it has been my experience that this person may not only be planning to leave, but they may also be trying to take people with them.
What to do about it:
If there’s criticism of the leadership, don’t respond too quickly with the statement, “You need to either support the leadership or leave!” This is the start of having “yes men” around you who never disagree or push back or give another opinion.
If that is what you have that may be why the services, sermons, and music may have devolved to a poor level: No one feels the freedom to be honest with you.
Invite a dozen people to sit in on a focus group to discuss what needs to be improved. Design a survey for people to fill out anonymously. Hire a group to come in as “secret shoppers.” They’ll give honest, experienced feedback, even if it is hard to hear.
4. They no longer have any interest in serving in any area of the church.
If you’ve tried to get this person involved and they simply refuse, this could be an early stage of the person considering leaving.
What to do about it:
If someone isn’t interested in helping or serving, it may be because the committees in the past have lacked focus, clarity, agendas, failed to improve anything, lacked authority to make any discernible difference, or are always dominated by the same overbearing personalities.
Blow up the system that has existed in the past and let another person lead some meetings. Then, put their recommendations into effect. If you don’t change things up the family about to leave won’t be the only ones. If there is one family that is frustrated, then there may be many.
You may now have a few people in mind who fit one or more of these descriptions.
But while there are some steps you could take with each person individually, the approaches I’ve offered can have a greater impact on your ministry and have far greater results for everyone involved, not just the few who are thinking about leaving.
