Less than three months after his son Truett’s unexpected death, Christian artist Toby McKeehan (TobyMac) released a song grappling with the loss.
Late on Jan. 10, TobyMac tweeted a link to the song, “21 years,” with a statement.
https://t.co/CLRTOCBy0F pic.twitter.com/Wi47ZQhmeS
— TobyMac (@tobymac) January 10, 2020
Until something in life hits you this hard, you never know how you will handle it. I am thankful that I have been surrounded by love, starting with God’s and extending to community near and far that have walked with us and carried us every day.
Writing this song felt like an honest confession of the questions, pain, anger, doubt, mercy and promise that describes the journey I’m probably only beginning. The rest is yet to come.
One thing I know is that I am not alone. God didn’t promise us a life of no pain or even tragic death, but He did promise He would never leave us or forsake us.
And I’m holding dearly to that promise for my son as well as for myself.
In the lyrics, TobyMac wrestles with God’s role in the death of Truett, while also placing his hope in a reunion one day.
Woke up ’cause the light poured in
Day two let the flood begin
Day one left me in my bed (In my bed)
I can barely remember it
Heart shattered in a thousand ways
They tell me pain gonna come in waves
They tell me I’m gonna be okay
I’m still waitin’ for the first to breakWhy would You give and then take him away?
Suddenly end, could You not let it fade?
What I would give for a couple of days
A couple of daysIs it just across the Jordan?
Or a city in the stars?
Are you singin’ with the angels?
Are you happy where you are?
Well, until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in Heaven
But I have you in my heart
I have you in my heartI just can’t make sense of this
Everything is so dissonant
Somebody said he was meant for this
But I’m just straight missin’ him
I wanna wake up to your laugh at two
Catch you when you steal my shoes
Say good mornin’, afternoon
Talk you through those “Alex blues” (Alex blues)
Listen to your latest beats
Talk about what the lyrics mean
Venmo you another loan (Another loan)
See you do your second showYou said you’d turn, you would turn it around (Turn it around)
Thought that you had time to straighten it out (Straighten it out)
Told me that you were my prodigal son
But this isn’t homeIs it just across the Jordan?
Or a city in the stars?
Are you singin’ with the angels?
Are you happy where you are?
Well, until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in Heaven
But I have you in my heart
I have you in my heartDid he see You from a long way off (Did he see you?)
Runnin’ to him with a father’s heart? (Runnin’ to him)
Did You wrap him up inside Your arms
And let him know that he’s home?
Did he see You from a long way off
Runnin’ to him with a father’s heart?
Did You wrap him up inside Your arms
And let him know that he’s home?Is it just across the Jordan?
Or a city in the stars? (City in the stars)
Are you singin’ with the angels?
Are you happy where you are? (Happy where you are)
Well, until this show is over
And you run into my arms (Run into my arms)
God has you in Heaven21 years makes a man full-grown
21 years, what a beautiful loan
21 years, I love everyone
Thank You, Lord, for my beautiful son
TobyMac has used social media to share his grief and thank those who have supported him and his family in the aftermath of Truett’s death.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B5RAxesByZz/
