Here are three important notes to keep in mind as you enter Valentine’s Day weekend with your church family.
By Lizzy Haseltine
While Valentine’s Day is an iconic holiday for love and relationships—sending many to the store to buy flowers or chocolates for their significant other—it causes some people to cringe.
How do you address a holiday that may polarize your congregation—a congregation that’s likely a mix of single, married, divorced, and widowed men and women?
It’s not easy to deliver a one-size-fits-all sermon. So there are three important notes to keep in mind as you enter Valentine’s Day weekend with your church family.
1. Every person has a different story and situation
It may be easy to aim your sermon at that picture-perfect family sitting in the third row. But do you see the young woman to their right, sitting alone with no wedding band on her ring finger? What do you say to the ex-husband who braved coming to church alone after his wife left him last year?
According to a 2019 Pew Research study, a higher percentage of U.S. adults have lived with their partners than have been married. This research also revealed only 53% of adults 18 and older are married. Don’t assume every church member is married—or wants to be.
While the Bible showcases examples of marriage in the Song of Solomon and in the lives of many people, starting with Adam and Eve, it’s important to keep in mind that some of its characters were single. Like the apostle Paul and John the Baptist, God still calls numerous people to singleness. And we should support them in that calling—whether it’s for a season or their entire lives.
“Make sure every person in each pew—especially singles who may be struggling—is loved during a time when they may not feel like anyone cares for them outside of church walls.” — @LizzyHaseltine Share on XSingleness can be exceptionally challenging in today’s world because the church often over-glorifies marriage as the end-all-be-all of Christian living. While marriage is a gift from the Lord that He can use to draw people closer to Him, it’s temporary. During His time on earth, Jesus told the Sadducees that marriage doesn’t exist in heaven (Matthew 22:30).
Jesus went on to share that God’s greatest commandment for people’s lives is to love God with all their heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). Then, we are to love our neighbor. As a pastor, you lead the way in focusing your church on God’s plan and purpose for people’s lives—not others’ matchmaking agendas.
Make your church a place where all feel seen and loved. It may not be the best time to talk about spouses loving each other (although that’s an excellent Biblical topic). Make sure every person in each pew—especially singles who may be struggling—is loved during a time when they may not feel like anyone cares for them outside of church walls.
2. Everyone is loved by God, regardless of what they’ve done or who they are
Remember that ex-husband who may be sitting in your audience? It can be easy for him and others to fall into the trap of thinking they’re unlovable, especially if they feel guilty or convicted of sin. Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to remind your congregation of God’s unconditional love and the forgiveness He offers through Jesus Christ.
Jesus came for all, not just those who seemingly have their lives together or grew up in the church. If someone in your congregation feels less than or may be overlooked, don’t let them walk out of the church doors this weekend without talking to them. Tell them about a holy and just God. But also remind them of God’s caring embrace that’s waiting for them with open arms. Go out of the way to help your congregation recognize God’s love.
3. You can celebrate more than romantic love this Valentine’s Day
The Bible is full of examples of different types of love we are to show one another.
The word “love” is used 561 times in the Christian Standard Bible. Some of these mentions of love are used to describe friendship (Greek word philia), while others refer specifically to familial love (Greek word storge), God’s unconditional love (Greek word agapao), emotional love (Hebrew word ahav), and faithful love (Hebrew word hesed).
Encourage your church members to not just show love to their significant other this Valentine’s Day. Challenge them to love those around them—including people who aren’t easy to love. That may mean bringing a shut-in dinner or offering to babysit your neighbor’s children for a few hours on a Saturday.
“Challenge churchgoers to love those around them—including people who aren’t easy to love.” — @LizzyHaseltine Share on XIn Matthew 5:44, Jesus reminded His followers to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (CSB). Although it’s challenging to show love to others who have hurt you, think of the love Jesus has for you and displayed through His death on the cross. Encourage your congregation to repeat that sacrificial love with people they may disagree with in the church or difficult co-workers or family members. Pray for your church to have eyes to see others as Jesus does.
Truly, the most difficult people are probably missing God’s love the most. What better way to help them know the love of God than through your own congregation?
What a remarkable Valentine’s Day that would be.
For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.
Lizzy Haseltine
Lizzy is a content writer for non-profit ministries. For the past five years, she has traveled the world to tell stories of how God is moving.
