4 Ways the Church Can Serve Members Well During Singleness

Here are practical ways your church body can love brothers and sisters in Christ as they pursue faithfulness during singleness.

By C.C. Allen

When I was single, it was helpful for me to remember that my Savior never married and had no children. Paul was single with no children when he penned 13 of the 27 New Testament books. He warned readers about the difficulty of serving Christ and a spouse at the same time. John the Baptist was single and unusual; he did not fit in with the crowd. And Jesus reminded believers that marriage wouldn’t be “forever” (Matthew 22:30).

Theologians Darrell Bock and Rebecca McLaughlin reiterate the same theology that years ago strengthened my resolve in that season of singleness. Bock says, “[Elevating singleness] is, by all accounts, a radical turn from Old Testament Judaism. It is also a nod toward the future. Recall our Lord’s statement that in the resurrection, none will be married (Matthew 22:30).” He goes on to say, “The importance of both single and marital covenants before God begs reiteration in our world today.” McLaughlin says, “The Bible calls us to a particular model of marriage, a high view of singleness, and deep intimacy in friendships, where we are brothers and sisters (Matthew 12:50), one body (Romans 12:5), ‘knit together in love’ (Colossians 2:2), and comrades in arms (Philippians 2:25).”

“Marriage, according to Jesus, is not the final goal in His kingdom.” — C.C. Allen Share on X

Marriage, according to Jesus, is not the final goal in His kingdom. There were times in my season of singleness, after witnessing to an individual or leading worship, when I felt so close to Christ I didn’t care if I ever got married. Rebellion wasn’t the issue. I believe I felt like Anna in the temple. The privilege of serving Christ filled me completely. Now, marriage fulfills me greatly, and I am privileged to serve my husband. But married or single, I will be “single” in heaven. Each circumstance has its blessings and struggles, but ultimately, the focus is Christ. And singleness provides freedom to serve Him “without distraction” (1 Corinthians 7:35).

The family of God

The church served me well during my single years. I got married at the age of 48. Until then, I moved several times and experienced mid-size and small church families. Fellowship and a sense of belonging were important. The leadership I came to know interacted with me much like Jesus interacted with His disciples. He didn’t separate single from married. Like Mary Magdalene joining Joanna, wife of Chuza, and Susanna (Luke 8:1-3), I learned and worshiped in a mixed setting.

So, in church, I was a sister in Christ—not a single woman. My gifts, talents, and personality bridged the gap between my marital status and others’ as the Bible said it should. My church-family relationships were built on service and worship instead of which covenant I fell under (marriage or singleness).

Here are some practical ways my church family loved me well in my season of singleness. These are all things your church body can do for the single brothers and sisters in Christ in your midst.

1. Individuals and families reached out

In each church, I encountered two or three godly women who invited me to Sunday School, Bible study, choir, and Wednesday night dinners. But they didn’t just invite me to church activities. They walked alongside me, introducing me to others without making a big deal of my lack of marriage or children. Their hospitality covered more ground with me than the church campus. They invited me to their homes for coffee, dinner, and occasional social events with their family’s friend circle. They showed sincere interest in me and gave me confidence that my singleness was normative—not unusual.

American culture and its self-reliant practice paint a normative picture of singleness in the 20th and 21st centuries. What if the singles in your congregation are future Jeremiahs, Pauls, Johns, Ezekiels, Naomis, or Annas? Whatever your congregants’ reasons for singleness, their opportunities and unique life experiences enrich a congregation greatly.

“Whatever your congregants’ reasons for singleness, their opportunities and unique life experiences enrich a congregation greatly.” — C.C. Allen Share on X

2. Leaders reached out

Pastors and church leaders suggested ministries suitable for my talents and encouraged me to pursue them. It wasn’t a one-time invite. They took time to thank me for my volunteer work, compliment me when it was deserved, and make me feel like I was one of the church family members. They knew I, as a musician, appreciated unique rehearsal spaces and offered rooms in the church building for alternate practice space besides my home. Like the widower and prophetess Anna staying at the temple to pray, I had access to the church for worship outside of church services. The church building quickly became a haven for me in times of loneliness, even if only a few staff members were present.

Singles don’t need special attention, and they also don’t need to feel like they’re “special.” Divorced members need consideration that marriage topics are painful, particularly if they fought against the divorce and lost or are working to overcome the guilt of unbiblical divorce. Their children are missing a parent in some cases. Christians who struggle with homosexuality and are celibate long for Christian brothers and sisters to come alongside them and offer “family.” Single men and women need guidance and encouragement in honoring Christ with their singleness—whether for a short time or a long time. Single Christians need encouragement that God has chosen them—their singleness is not a reflection of their worthiness.

Pastors and church leaders should regularly check their congregation’s pulse for any unrealized needs or even prejudices that prevent others from reaching out to their brothers and sisters in Christ.

3. Leaders provided guidance

My pastors made themselves available to everyone. But as a single woman, the Lord used their availability for occasional advice and direction when I needed a sounding board about job moves, purchasing a house, or other major decisions.

There are many ways pastors and church leaders can make themselves available to the singles in their churches. For example, they could create office hours once a month for singles to drop by. Whatever it looks like in your setting, be intentional to create spaces for single adults to come to you for guidance in safe settings.

“Whatever it looks like in your setting, be intentional to create spaces for single adults to come to you for guidance in safe settings.” — C.C. Allen Share on X

4. Churches planned activities

I appreciated not being pushed into a singles class. In fact, most of the churches I attended didn’t offer them. I didn’t participate in the singles class at the church that provided this opportunity. I preferred to be in a mixed or women’s class or serve in kids ministry.

When God-fearing singles go to church to worship and serve, their first priority is to meet Jesus and learn more about Him and His Word; to join the congregation, choir, orchestra, or praise band in worshiping the Lord through music; to hear a sermon that pushes them to die to themselves a little more, walk closer to Christ, suffer a little more with humility. Singles come ready to meet the Lord in His house. God blesses you every Sunday with the opportunity to welcome singles into the family of God. Welcome them home when they return week after week, and encourage their participation in your congregational community.

For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.