6 Things That Aren’t Discipleship

Sometimes it’s helpful to define what something is by thinking about what it is not. Here are six things that aren’t discipleship.

By Mike Leake

In 2022, Lifeway Research released its Greatest Needs of Pastors study. The study found that more than any other skill, pastors say they need to continue investing in disciple-making (63%).

That is not entirely surprising. We pastors often hear about the need for discipleship. And we’re often told that a discipleship program is a surefire way to grow our churches. As many pastors see their congregations stalled or languishing, it’s understandable that a renewed emphasis on discipleship would be a tempting talisman.

However, it raises the question: What do we mean when we say we aspire to be better disciple-makers? The word discipleship isn’t even in the Bible. We are called to “make disciples,” sure. And we’re called to teach these disciples. Is that discipleship? Sometimes it’s helpful to define what something is by thinking about what it is not. Here are six things that aren’t discipleship.

1. Discipleship is not codependency

If codependency is psychobabble to you, substitute the word cultish. Cult leaders labor to gather unquestioning followers around them. They isolate and create a dependent relationship with their followers. This is a form of discipleship—but it isn’t biblical discipleship.

Biblical discipleship always points to Christ. At its core it’s about fostering a personal and growing relationship with Jesus Christ. If someone becomes excessively reliant upon us for their spiritual well-being, it has morphed from biblical discipleship into something foreign.

“If someone becomes excessively reliant upon us for their spiritual well-being, it has morphed from biblical discipleship into something foreign.” — @mikeleake Share on X

Consider what Paul said to the church at Corinth. Some were claiming to be “of Paul.” A cultish leader would have reveled in this. But not Paul. Because his discipleship plan was about connecting people to Jesus, Paul rebuked them (1 Corinthians 3). We see something similar in Acts 14. When the locals began to worship Paul and Barnabas as gods, they tore their clothes instead of touting their best-selling program.

Discipleship is about connecting people to Jesus, not us.

2. Discipleship is not cultural assimilation

Tiffany has a dark past. Her bookshelves are lined with resources from the occult. She doesn’t dress like anyone at your church, nor does she talk like the church folk. She doesn’t own a Bible, and she’s never listened to a Christian radio station. Tiffany has zero church culture. But after a painful breakup, she decided to check out your church. She’s now a new believer.

The first thing you do is help her get rid of her old books. You get her some new Christian books, introduce her to Chistian radio, give her a subscription to Pure Flix, sign her up for a Lifeway newsletter, and give her a crash course on Christianese. You’ve taken her under your wing to disciple her.

Except this isn’t discipleship. While some of this might be good and helpful to her spiritual growth, assimilating someone into a Christian sub-culture is foreign from how Scripture speaks of discipleship.

Discipleship is about assimilating people into the way of Jesus, not our sub-culture.

3. Discipleship is not cerebral

Mark was saved about eight years ago. And he hit the ground running. He’d always been an intellectual, but this bent kicked into overdrive after he joined your church. One day, after the sermon, he pulled you aside with a fiery passion in his eyes and declared, “I want to learn everything.” You were happy to acquiesce. And you’ve been discipling him now—with book after book after book—for the past six years.

The problem, though, is that Mark’s life is falling apart. His wife can no longer handle his anger. His kids are overwhelmed by his perfectionism. And his relationships with co-workers are getting so bad his boss is thinking of firing him. He’s looking for a new book to help him. But a book isn’t what Mark needs. He doesn’t need more facts. He needs to be a follower in his lifestyle and not only in his head.

Discipleship is about living out the way of Jesus, not learning facts about Jesus.

4. Discipleship is not church attendance

Neglecting to meet with other believers on a frequent basis is counter to following Jesus. In other words, church attendance is a part of discipleship. But it is not discipleship. Many mistakenly equate discipleship with regular church attendance, believing that showing up for services fulfills their spiritual growth obligations for that week. But discipleship involves an intentional pursuit of following Jesus—and following Him outside of the four walls of the church.

We pastors can sometimes assume that if someone’s attending church, going to a small group, and showing up for the occasional service project, they are being discipled. Though listening to sermons is a part of spiritual development, we pastors can put far too much weight upon this once per week moment. It cannot bear the load of discipleship. Discipleship is a transformative following that encompasses every sphere of life. It’s holistic.

“Though listening to sermons is a part of spiritual development, we pastors can put far too much weight upon this once per week moment. It cannot bear the load of discipleship.” — @mikeleake Share on X

Discipleship is about apprenticing with Jesus in every sphere of life, not attending church services or activities.

5. Discipleship is not casual

There are a few shocking statistics in the latest State of Theology report. None, perhaps, more shocking than discovering that only 54% of evangelicals disagree with the statement: “Jesus was a great teacher, but He was not God.” This places us in a similar setting to what Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes in his book The Cost of Discipleship. Bonhoeffer looked upon the church in Germany following Adolf Hitler yet conferring grace upon themselves. He called it cheap grace, and described it this way:

Cheap Grace is the deadly enemy of our church. It is grace without price: grace without cost!… Cheap grace means grace as a doctrine… an intellectual assent… Cheap grace means the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner… Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession… Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Rather than this casual Christianity, Bonhoeffer pointed back to what discipleship meant in the first century. Noting that “when Jesus calls a man, he bids him come and die.” Discipleship is costly. You cannot say you’re a disciple of Jesus if you aren’t following what He says. Discipleship will cost you your way of life.

Discipleship will cost your life, it isn’t a casual, occasional, or optional following of Jesus.

6. Discipleship is not completed

Jerry had been following Jesus for 20 years now. When the church put together a discipleship class, Jerry didn’t sign up. He’d already taken that class. Discipleship was one of their 101 classes. If you really wanted to get serious you could take their 201 class in “Advanced Discipleship.” He’d taken that one too, though. Jerry was a graduate of the discipleship program. In his mind he’d already been discipled and was now moving on to more advanced topics like the relationship between God’s sovereignty and human responsibility.

You can’t really blame Jerry for thinking this way. Church culture has often created this mentality. After all, Jerry has a “diploma” he proudly displays in his office: Graduate of the Discipleship Program of First Baptist Church. But discipleship isn’t something you can graduate from. It’s a lifelong and eternal following of Jesus. We’ll never graduate from our call to follow Jesus.

“Discipleship isn’t something you can graduate from. It’s a lifelong and eternal following of Jesus. We’ll never graduate from our call to follow Jesus.” — @mikeleake Share on X

Discipleship is an eternal mentorship with Jesus, it isn’t something which can be completed or graduated from.

There’s an unlikely tale about Michelangelo when sculpting David. The story goes that Michelangelo was asked about the difficulties he must have encountered in sculpting his masterpiece. But his reply was simple and profound. “It is easy,” he said, “You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.”

I doubt Michelangelo said this, but it’s a point that’ll certainly preach. I’ve attempted to do something similar here with discipleship. Now that we’ve chipped away many of the imposters, I hope a picture of what discipleship is—simply an eternal apprenticeship with Jesus—will emerge.

For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.