5 Pain Points of Pastoring

Pain points are inevitable for pastors, but so is joy. The tears will be wiped away one day in heaven, while the joy will last for eternity.

By Mark Dance

Do you know who originally said, “If you love your job, you will never work a day in your life”? Search engines pin this on everyone from Mark Twain to Confucius, which means nobody really knows. My theory is that whoever said it never had a real job. But the only thing I know for sure is it certainly wasn’t a pastor.

For the last decade I have served as a pastor advocate. I’ve also had the privilege of pastoring local churches for three decades. Those churches were all distinct: small, medium, and large; rural and urban; full-time and bivocational staff. Every pastor reading this will experience heartache as they preach “in season and out of season” (2 Timothy 4:2, CSB). But our calling is to stay the course and not give up during an out-of-season experience.

Here are five pain points every pastor will experience.

1. Conflict

Although this will be of no surprise to those who’ve pastored more than a month, it’s nonetheless disappointing. Every. Single. Time. I experienced this on my very first Sunday as a pastor in the summer of 1987. It was a shock to my system that everyone did not coalesce around the Great Commission every week. To be honest, it still hurts when someone criticizes me.

Pastor, learn to discern the difference between disagreement and criticism. Disagreements can turn into consensus and momentum, while criticism is an emotional cul-de-sac in which hateful people will trap you if you let them.

“Learn to discern the difference between disagreement and criticism.” — @markdance Share on X

2.  Abandonment

When someone we’ve loved leaves the church, the last thing we want to hear is, “Don’t take this personally.” This is hurtful on two levels. First, we are being asked to support an exit that often abandons our convictions about covenant love and commitment to a local church.

Second, we are being asked to disconnect our emotions from their departure. I took it personally when people joined the church I served as well as when they left it … for whatever reason. I never want to stop rejoicing when someone makes a commitment to Christ and/or His bride. Neither do I want to stop grieving when they abandon ship.

Pastor, this is not a problem you can solve with a sermon. This heartache is part of the pain of pastoring that comes with the job. If your tear ducts ever dry up, it’s time to find a new profession.

3. Attendance

Roller coasters have age, weight, and height restrictions for a reason. The last one I rode with my son took us on twists and turns that not only made my head spin but also made my back and neck hurt. Before that ride, I had never experienced what it would be like to stop in midair then shift into reverse at the same rate of speed. That was the day I retired from roller coasters.

The church attendance roller coaster is somewhat inevitable for every pastor and church. Churches typically experience growth and decline slowly, yet any decline is painful.

“The church attendance roller coaster is somewhat inevitable for every pastor and church.” — @markdance Share on X

Although I left every church I pastored healthier than I found it, each church experienced intermittent seasons of growth, plateau, and decline. In seasons of decline, it was tempting to panic—especially when some members quickly hit their panic button like they were buzzing in on Family Feud.

Although the seasons of decline were painful, they were also the most fruitful for me personally. God used those seasons to turn my strut into a limp, which helped to prepare me for the next season of spiritual and numerical growth.

4. Family

My wife Janet was a pastor’s kid (PK), and we raised two PKs of our own. Most children will experience a season of rebellion, and our kids were no exception. Since we belong to the only profession on the planet that requires people to win both at work and home (1 Timothy 3, Titus 1), the inevitable pressure and pain that come with parenting are compounded by the pressures of pastoring. The Bible doesn’t teach perfectionism, nor does God expect you and your wife and kids to practice it. So make your home a grace zone instead of a guilt zone.

“The Bible doesn’t teach perfectionism, nor does God expect you and your wife and kids to practice it. So make your home a grace zone instead of a guilt zone.” — @markdance Share on X

5. Finances

GuideStone recently asked 500 of its members under age 55 what their greatest wellness challenges were. They listed financial (32%), physical (28%), and emotional (21%) wellness as their top pain points.

This is what they said about their financial challenges:

• Nearly half say they put off thinking about financial matters because they do not feel knowledgeable in this area. 
• Three in 4 ministers wish they had started saving sooner for retirement.
• The average age a minister opens a retirement account at GuideStone is 41.
• One in 3 know how much money they will need in order to retire.

Guidestone’s pastor’s page is full of simple, practical resources to help you with financial literacy and advocacy challenges.

Pain points are inevitable for pastors, but so is joy. The tears from our pain will be wiped away one day in heaven, while the joy will last for eternity. How many others can say that about their jobs?

“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up” (Galatians 6:9, CSB).

Press on, pastors!

For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.