Once we sit with the pain of feeling unseen and meditate on the truth that God hasn’t forgotten us, we can move forward in hope and healing.
By Meredith Cook
The irony shouldn’t be lost on us: We’ve never lived our lives more publicly than we do now, yet we often experience painful seasons of feeling unseen.
A new mom feels the unique loneliness that often comes with the newborn phase. A single person is surrounded by married couples. A pastor carries the hidden burdens of shepherding a congregation. Whatever your circumstances, Christine Hoover’s book, You Are Not Forgotten: Discovering the God Who Sees the Overlooked and Disregarded, is a needed reminder that we are seen most clearly—and therefore, provided for, understood, and loved—by the One who created us.
Unseen
Hoover, a pastor’s wife and ministry leader, experienced a long, hurtful season of feeling unseen by those closest to her. In You Are Not Forgotten, she shares how God used an oft-overlooked story in Genesis—Hagar’s—to comfort her during that season. Hagar’s name for God (El-Roi, God sees me) is the inspiration for the book. But Hoover uses the stories of Sarai, David, Jonah, Mary, Martha, and others to show how God doesn’t forget His people, even (and especially) in their suffering. The result is a resource that encourages readers struggling to feel seen to look higher than people to the God of all comfort, who looks upon us and after us.
According to Hoover, “Unseenness occurs when an important part of who we are or what we’ve experienced is misunderstood, unacknowledged, unappreciated, unprotected, invalidated, or uncultivated by important people in our lives.” It manifests in five categories: being misunderstood, disregard, having unfulfilled desires, injustice, and lack of appreciation. In the ensuing chapters, Hoover describes our emotional response to unseenness, how we are tempted to deal with it, how God deals with us, and how to move forward.
Our response to unseenness
Each instance of unseenness can result in a host of negative emotions. To move forward, we must deal with the painful stuff first. Hoover writes, “The way to hope and joy in unseenness is to deal in reality: the reality of our specific pain, rather than trying to ignore or resist it …. God deals in reality; He does his best work when we’re honest with Him about what we’re facing.” In these first two sections, Hoover makes three observations that are crucial for the reader as she navigates the pain, anger, hurt, and bitterness of feeling unseen.
First, Hoover notes that while our feelings may be real, they are not always true. She encourages the reader to confront these emotions with the truth of Scripture. Using King David’s example, she notes: “Repeatedly, throughout his poems and songs, we see how his emotions invited truth, and the truth about God settled his emotions.” We must deal with the reality of our emotions, release them to the Lord, and trust Him for vindication, justice, and comfort.
Second, Hoover rightly implies we are responsible for our own healing. Hurt caused by others is real, but we cannot control how others act toward or respond to us. We can only control our response. Hoover writes, “Our strategies that originally set out to save us from pain become sin …. This is how we contribute to our own unseenness.” She encourages the reader to identify their “fig leaf” strategies—those we use to cover our vulnerability and shame to find visibility and validation from other humans.
Third, Hoover reminds the reader God doesn’t always immediately deliver us from painful trials. Throughout Scripture, we see God allows His people to go through hard things. She elaborates on this point later, but it’s important that this truth shows up early to appropriately set our expectations. Our ultimate goal in dealing with unseenness shouldn’t be improved circumstances but an improved perspective as we seek to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2).
“Our ultimate goal in dealing with unseenness shouldn’t be improved circumstances but an improved perspective as we seek to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2).” — @meredithcook716 Share on XHidden in Christ
The last three sections of You Are Not Forgotten focus on the truth that will help us move forward. She describes how God “enters into the experience of our lives with us, is fully present with us in it, and knows us at the deepest level possible. He is not watching from afar; He is with us in it.” This is what it means that God sees us.
Though we may feel unseen by other people, “there is a welcoming, a belonging, an acceptance that God gives us in Christ,” she writes. We are hidden, refuged, safe, comforted, secured in Christ. We must then lift our eyes from man to Jesus, the “only one perfect place of emotional, relational, and spiritual safety.”
God’s response to us
Once we sit with the pain of feeling unseen and meditate on the truth that God hasn’t forgotten us, we can begin to move forward in hope and healing. Hoover spends the last chapters of You Are Not Forgotten discussing how God acts on our behalf, using our difficult circumstances to “build our faith muscles and to grow us in a deeper experiential knowledge of who He is.”
But though He may allow us to continue in trials, He doesn’t leave us alone. Even now, Jesus is interceding for us. He delivers us—sometimes from the trial itself but more often from the idolatry that occurs when we place our hope in ourselves, others, or the perfect circumstances. Jesus advocates for us against the enemy and against temptation. He accepts our confessions of sin, forgives us, and is transforming us into His image. And He is pleased with us.
God’s intercession, deliverance, advocacy, and approval mark the way forward out of the pain of unseenness and allowed Hoover to forgive and “release my family and friends from the pressure of my expectations that they’d carry the full weight of my grief.” True healing can only be found by seeking it in Christ, not others.
“True healing can only be found by seeking it in Christ, not others.” — @meredithcook716 Share on XThe unseen pastor
In a July 2023 Barna study, 65% of pastors reported feelings of loneliness and isolation. As part of Lifeway Research’s Greatest Needs of Pastors study, 69% of Protestant pastors say they need to invest in friendship with others. Additionally, 28% say they are directly struggling with loneliness or a lack of friendships. You could also say these pastors feel unseen and would benefit from reading You Are Not Forgotten. Hoover resonates with these feelings, combining a refreshing vulnerability and honesty about her own period of unseenness with a focus on the only true way forward—resting in the truth that God sees us, loves us, and is for us. I recommend Hoover’s book with a few words of encouragement to potential readers.
First, at the height of negative emotions lies the temptation to blame others for our unseenness. Readers will do well to follow Hoover’s example of self-awareness and not overlook how God’s truth applies to our own culpability.
Second, in many situations (Hoover’s included), focusing on truth and changing our perspective doesn’t always mean our man-centered relationships are reconciled. However, I would have liked to have seen more discussion on how God can restore our relationship with others who have overlooked us. In most (but not necessarily all) instances of unseenness, we must continue leaning into our church communities, accepting loving correction and seeking counsel to determine if we are actually unseen or if we just feel unseen. There’s a difference, but Hoover’s reminders of God’s truth can help readers in both camps.
Finally, we must (again) remember God may allow us to walk a road of feeling unseen for years or decades. We may never truly feel seen by others. Hoover got her happy ending—which can encourage us through a season of waiting. But we must never let another’s story set our expectations. We must always trust God to write our story however He wills.
For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.
Meredith Cook
Meredith is married to Keelan and mom to two tiny redheads. She is the grant coordinator for Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, where she earned an M.Div. in Missiology. Meredith is the author of Go Tell Everyone: 9 Missionaries Who Shared the Good News. You can find her online at meredithcook.net.
