Here’s what women’s ministry leaders want pastors to understand to help close the gap between good intentions and their leadership reality.
By Nora Allison
According to the Lifeway Research State of Ministry to Women report, the vast majority of women’s ministry leaders feel supported by their pastors and valued by their churches. More and more pastors are recognizing the contributions women’s leaders are making and their essential role in the church.
However, a second statistic describing the experience of many women’s leaders reveals another reality. A mere 5% of women’s leaders plan alongside church staff. Many of us still feel isolated, ignored, or frustrated in our roles leading women.
“A mere 5% of women’s leaders plan alongside church staff. Many of us still feel isolated, ignored, or frustrated in our roles leading women.” — Nora Allison Share on XAlthough we and our ministries receive verbal affirmation, we don’t always see it practically demonstrated in ways that are meaningful to us. There are four things women’s ministry leaders want pastors to understand to close the gap between good intentions and our actual experiences leading women in our churches.
1. We want to come to staff meetings
I remember sitting in church on a Sunday where I served as a volunteer women’s director and discovering, along with the congregation, what the vision, plans, and calendar were for the upcoming year … after I had designed the Bible study curriculum, dates, and retreat goals for women’s ministry.
Finally, following numerous similar occasions and my silent, “Oh, I wish I had known that!” thoughts, I approached the pastor (who had been verbally supportive of my ministry) and invited myself to staff meetings. I was excited for his OK to attend but surprised at having to convince him that it would benefit me, the women in the church, and the congregation as a whole.
Women’s leaders take on significant responsibilities for the spiritual growth of the women they serve. More than 3 in 4 women’s leaders (77%) say they’re responsible for women’s small group Bible studies. And 61% say they’re responsible for the discipleship of the women.
And the beneficiaries of our ministries recognize the impact our efforts have on their lives. Nearly 4 in 5 (78%) church-going women say the opportunities provided through women’s ministry help them when they’re discouraged. Another 3 in 4 (74%) have been aided in their struggles of faith through an organized ministry to women. And 65% found the ministries in their churches provided them with occasions to be refreshed and restored spiritually and emotionally.
As we plan studies, pray for and counsel individuals, and organize events and classes to build up the women in the church, we don’t want to do it in a vacuum. Let us hear your vision and direction. Inform us of the church calendar. Allow us to take part in planning and praying with you and the other staff for the church’s needs. Giving us a seat at the table communicates in a tangible way the value you see in women’s ministry and in our contribution as servant-leaders in the church.
It’s quite possible your women’s leader is a volunteer and isn’t available to attend the scheduled staff meeting each week. A huge demonstration of support to her, and to the women she ministers to, would be to work to find a solution to this. Can you change your meeting times? Can you Zoom her in? Or can you work it out so she can attend at least once or twice a month? Your efforts will bear fruit.
2. We want to meet with you
If you regularly touch base with your male staff members, do so with us as well. Setting aside just an hour per month in your schedule to hear our updates, tackle problems, plan, and pray demonstrates your investment in us. Too often, pastors learn “how things are going” in women’s ministry only through their wives. Or they communicate information to women’s ministry leaders through their husbands.
We want to be known and spoken to as individuals and co-workers. We want to work with you, partnering together for the growth of women. And we want to use our gifts for the good of the church. More than 4 in 5 (83%) women’s ministry leaders are unpaid.
A former pastor assumed I didn’t want to attend staff meetings or meet with him because the church wasn’t paying me to do so. Rather than that being a reason to not include us in your scheduled meetings, pay attention to us. (And once the budget allows, consider adding us to the payroll.) As we feel known and resourced, we’re motivated, and our ministries reflect it.
3. We want your input and feedback
One of my pastors told me repeatedly that he trusted me. I was very appreciative, at first. What his trust looked like in practice, however, proved discouraging. He never once came to a ministry event I planned or listened to me teach or took the initiative to suggest resources for me. We truly appreciate your confidence in us, but that confidence can look and feel like neglect, however benign your intent.
We long for collaboration. Give us feedback. Help us grow to be better. Show your support by showing up. Recognize that “our” events are the church’s events. We don’t expect you to come to each off-site women’s retreat or attend every mentor group. But once a quarter, stick your head into our Bible study down the hall or listen to a recording of our teaching or glance over our discipleship plans. Then give us feedback for growth.
This would speak volumes about how seriously you take our ministries and how committed you are to the spiritual health of women in the church.
4. We want our input to count
It can be difficult as women in the church to believe our pastors see us as having equal dignity and worth when our input is rarely requested or when all we’re asked about is how many women attended our last event.
“It can be difficult as women in the church to believe our pastors see us as having equal dignity and worth when our input is rarely requested.” — Nora Allison Share on XPlease seek out our thoughts and opinions. We can provide insights about women’s needs and hurts and perspectives. And as fellow image-bearers and sisters in Christ, we have wisdom to share about God, ministry, and life. Ask us what God is teaching us through His Word and through His people. Inquire about what’s working in our ministry. Solicit our advice in our areas of gifting. All this would go a long way in demonstrating respect for us as co-laborers in God’s kingdom.
My former pastor read a Lenten devotional I’d written for women. He not only commented on it to me but shared what he had learned a few weeks later in a sermon on the same passage, giving me credit. I was pleasantly surprised and very affirmed.
It’s vital that you, our pastors, not only verbally support the value and equality of women as co-laborers in your churches but understand how to actually practice it in ways that make a difference to us and our ministries. Help us change the statistic to: 100% of women’s leaders work alongside pastors who understand the integral role they have in the health of the church.
For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.
Nora Allison
she mentors women and speaks at women’s gatherings and retreats.
