As pastors and fathers, how do we create environments in our homes where our kids grow to love the church and ministry?
By Clark Beck
Six months ago, I became the lead pastor of the church my grandfather planted in 1972. My father was also a church planter and pastor, and I used to describe myself as a “double PK” (pastor’s kid).
Now, my five sons could accurately call themselves “triple PKs.” For me, being a pastor’s kid never carried a negative meaning. I’ve always admired my grandad and my dad for serving Jesus and the church faithfully for so many years. And my goal is that my sons will see me the same way. I hope some or all of them will follow me into ministry like I followed my dad.
If you’re like me, you’re faced every day with the question of whether you’re investing enough time in your children to make this hope a reality. You’re inundated with communication of all forms. You can be distracted. And you wonder if you’re giving your kids the attention they need. As pastors and fathers, how do we create environments in our homes where our kids develop a positive view of the church and ministry? How do we disciple them to love Jesus and His imperfect church?
Although there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to these questions, I want to offer five general points of advice based on my experience of being raised by a godly father and pastor.
1. Give your kids the Word of God
When I was about 12 years old, the church my dad planted went through a church split. Within a couple of weeks, I’d lost most of my closest friends, and I was confused and lonely. This was a make-or-break moment in my relationship with Jesus and His church. Yet, what the enemy intended for evil, God intended for good (Genesis 50:20).
In his leadership of the church and the home, my dad emphasized knowing the Word of God. He read the Bible every day, taught the Bible to us, and encouraged us to read for ourselves. The same year the church split, my grandad bought me a study Bible for my birthday. My dad recommended I read a chapter of Proverbs each day and find a plan to read through the Bible. By God’s grace, I listened.
This time of loneliness became a profound moment of drawing closer to God, and it was through God’s Word that I began to know Him and hear His voice. The Spirit working in my heart through the Word kept me from disillusionment, bitterness, and rebellion. More than that, I was drawn to Jesus.
Give your kids the Word of God and trust that He will shape them into men or women who love Jesus and the church.
2. Demonstrate the grace of God
Your kids are going to hear you preach the gospel of grace week after week. They’re going to have it drilled into their heads from a young age that they are sinners in need of mercy. But your children need to see you really believe this is true. You need to demonstrate the gospel at home.
As a father and a pastor, you need to be the first to humble yourself, the first to repent, and the first to forgive. Show your children you’re totally reliant on God’s grace and mercy and make that same grace and mercy available to them when they stumble.
Demonstrate the grace of God at home and watch your children’s hearts soften to love Jesus and His church.
3. Live with integrity of character
Proverbs says children are blessed by the integrity of their fathers (Proverbs 20:7). One of the most meaningful legacies my dad gave me was his integrity. He was the same man at home that he was on Sunday morning.
Your children will face many temptations, disappointments, and trials as they grow up in the home of a pastor. Don’t let your lack of character be one of those things that drive them from the church. Your integrity will safeguard your children’s hearts from cynicism.
Proverbs 11:3 teaches that the integrity of the upright guides them. With integrity as your guidepost, you’ll keep a clean conscience before the Lord, and you’ll be able to say to your children, “Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1, CSB).
Live with integrity of character, and you’ll protect your children’s hearts from looking at the ministry and the church with suspicion.
4. Guard your time and energy
Most pastors I know have many demands on their time and energy. There’s never a lack of work. Amid all of this, we can easily leave little time for our kids. Even if we schedule our time well, we can deplete our energy, giving our children the scraps. As I grew up, I watched my dad become better and better at prioritizing the family. This doesn’t mean your kids will always come first, but it means they understand your love and commitment to them.
Recently, a mentor counseled me to schedule what matters the most first and then let it work itself out. Your children need to see that you make their mom a priority in your week. They need to see that you make them a priority in your week. And they need to feel that you have the energy to engage with your presence and your emotions.
“Guard your time and energy, and your relationship with your children will draw them to love Jesus and the church.” — @clarkbeck Share on XGuard your time and energy, and your relationship with your children will draw them to love Jesus and the church.
5. Include your kids in the ministry
Ministry isn’t just your job; it’s a calling in which your entire family participates. There aren’t many other jobs where there’s so much overlap between family and vocation. Your family is part of the church, and you are their pastor. Also, your children are your closest disciples.
My sons love to be a part of whatever I’m doing, and most children I’ve been around are that way. Even more than playing, they want to help Dad with his work. So, don’t shut them out of your ministry; include them as much as possible. This is something my dad did well. He pulled me into all sorts of ministry situations. I always felt like I was a part of what he was doing.
Include your children in the ministry, and you will connect their hearts to the church you serve.
“Include your children in the ministry, and you will connect their hearts to the church you serve.” — @clarkbeck Share on XConnection, not perfection
Each of these five points are about connection. So, don’t beat yourself up over your lack of perfection as a father. Rather strive to connect your children to the Word of God and the gospel of grace. Connect your private life to your public life. Use your time and energy to connect relationally to your kids. And then, connect your children to the ministry calling God has given you. This will create the kind of ministry home where your kids can be raised to say with joy one day that their father was a pastor.
For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.
