Putting Belonging in its Proper Place

The balance between belonging and conviction makes a church not only a place where people want to be but a place where they can truly belong.

By Aaron Summers

A sense of belonging is one of the top needs in life. A study from Lifeway Research found around 1 in 5 churchgoers who left one church to find another say they did so because they felt out of place at their previous church (20%).

It makes sense that our people want to feel like they belong when it comes to their church. But should churchgoers feel like they belong at a church?

The concepts of belonging to something and belonging at something both revolve around connection, but they manifest differently.

The backstory of belonging

Belonging to something often emphasizes membership, such as joining a club or organization. This kind of belonging is transactional, focusing on the return on investment (ROI). When people belong to a club or group, they typically expect specific benefits in return—whether it’s networking opportunities, access to resources, or activities that align with their interests.

The motivation behind belonging to something often centers on meeting personal needs and achieving tangible outcomes. Membership is valued for its opportunities, and the sense of belonging is tied to the benefits one receives.

In contrast, belonging at something emphasizes a deeper emotional and psychological connection. This type of belonging is more about feeling at home in a space, where one is not just a member but an integral part of a community.

Belonging at a place brings a sense of being loved and accepted, much like feeling part of a family. It’s about a connection beyond transactions and feeling valued and understood.

“Belonging at a place brings a sense of being loved and accepted, much like feeling part of a family. It's about a connection beyond transactions and feeling valued and understood.” — @aaronwsummers Share on X

In this context, belonging is less about ROI and more about fulfillment through relationships, purpose, and shared experiences. A sense of purpose drives people who feel they belong at a place—they find meaning in contributing and serving others.

While belonging to something is about fulfilling needs through membership, belonging at something is about fulfilling the heart’s need for connection, love, and purpose.

The barometer of belonging

Belonging can be a tool to assess whether we feel connected, valued, and at home within our spiritual communities. While our instinct is to want people to feel like they belong in our churches, sometimes, feeling out of place is acceptable and necessary for personal and communal growth.

Feeling out of place is justified when the church’s theology or teachings no longer align with Scripture. When a church’s theology shifts or reveals inconsistencies, it creates a sense of spiritual dissonance for members.

Rather than viewing this as a negative experience, churchgoers can see it as an opportunity for spiritual reflection and growth. It may prompt individuals to re-examine their beliefs, seek deeper understanding, or explore other communities where their faith and values align more closely.

Another scenario in which feeling out of place might be expected is during periods of significant change within the church, such as replanting or revitalization. During such times, the church community is in a state of flux, and it’s natural for members to feel uncertain or disconnected.

Members may find themselves at a crossroads, deciding whether to commit to the new direction and help build the church’s future or seek a different community that better meets their spiritual needs.

“Feeling out of place is justified when the church's theology or teachings no longer align with Scripture.” — @aaronwsummers Share on X

Life stage changes also significantly affect how we perceive our place within a church community. As people transition through different stages—becoming a young adult, experiencing divorce or widowhood, or entering the empty nest phase—there’s often a sense of dislocation.

These life changes can make familiar settings, including the church, feel foreign and uncomfortable. Navigating these life changes while maintaining a sense of belonging at church can be emotionally and spiritually draining.

The baggage with belonging

Striving for belonging is a natural human instinct, especially within a church community. However, this pursuit can become an idol when it overshadows our focus on God’s will. Here are five pieces of baggage we may carry:

1. Hopping around or searching for “our spot” rather than seeking the place God intends for us reflects a self-centered approach to belonging, where personal preferences take precedence over divine direction.
2. Chasing after the elusive “perfect fit.” The reality is no church will perfectly align with all our desires.  
3. Nostalgia can also become an idol when our longing for the past prevents us from embracing the new things God is doing in our lives and in our churches. 
4. Placing excessive demands on church staff to meet everyone’s needs shifts our focus from collective worship and mission to individual satisfaction.  
5. Misinterpreting Paul’s words about being “all things to all people” can lead to unrealistic expectations. 

The blessing of belonging 

Creating a sense of belonging within a church fosters community, connection, and spiritual growth. A welcoming atmosphere can help individuals feel valued, supported, and encouraged in their faith journeys.

“A welcoming atmosphere can help individuals feel valued, supported, and encouraged in their faith journeys.” — @aaronwsummers Share on X

Pastors must cultivate this with integrity and authenticity. Consider two things when cultivating a sense of belonging in your people:

1. A church must not try to be something it’s not in the pursuit of belonging. Authenticity matters, and when a church remains true to its identity—whether urban, rural, traditional, contemporary, etc.—it creates a more genuine and lasting sense of community. 
2. Don’t shy away from convictional positions to create belonging. When controversial or sensitive topics arise, it’s important for the church to respond with clarity and compassion, without compromising its core beliefs. 

Creating a sense of belonging within a church is necessary but not the only thing of importance. A genuine feeling of connection and community can significantly enhance the spiritual lives of individuals and strengthen the church.

However, this feeling must be carefully nurtured to align with the church’s core identity and foundational beliefs. The balance between belonging and conviction makes a church not only a place where people want to be but a place where they can truly belong.

For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.