The church must avoid assigning the pastor’s wife to ministry roles God may not have called her to, gifted her for, or directed her to do.
By Nora Allison
Most often when a church hires a pastor, his appointment is the result of a careful process. Pastor search teams conduct interviews, listen to sermons, request recommendations, and seek God’s will. And they do this with the goal of matching the church’s needs with the applicant’s calling, experience, gifting, and personality.
Sadly, churches don’t frequently employ this same careful process when selecting women’s ministry leaders. And sometimes, when a pastor steps into his role, the church assumes his wife will lead its ministry to women.
According to Lifeway Research’s State of Ministry to Women study, nearly 3 in 10 women’s ministry leaders (28%) are married to the pastor. Still, most say they lead the women’s ministries at their churches because they feel called (66%) or because it is their gifting (51%). Some say they lead because they love to teach (46%). But others say they lead because there was a need (56%), they were asked (22%), or no one else would do it (19%). Others specify that they lead because they are the pastor’s wife.
While a pastor’s wife may be the right person to lead the church’s ministry to women in some cases, there are four reasons this expectation is misguided and harmful for a church.
1. A pastor’s wife may be chosen by God to do something else
God chooses, and God places. God selects people and assigns them to roles in His service, not based on their marital status or their spouse’s occupation but on His sovereign will. Knowing every heart, authoring every story, and preparing for every need, God is the One who positions men and women—married and single—in His kingdom. And the pastor’s wife may or may not be God’s choice to lead the women’s ministry.
“God selects people and assigns them to roles in His service, not based on their marital status or their spouse’s occupation but on His sovereign will.” — Nora Allison Share on XA marriage license must never be the sole criteria for a leadership role in the church. When it is, both the pastor’s wife and the rightful designate to the position may find themselves out of God’s will and they—and the entire church—will suffer. Just as pastors and elders should serve at the call of God, so should the women’s leader.
According to the State of Ministry to Women report, more than 3 in 4 women’s ministry leaders (77%) say they serve in that capacity because God called them. Our churches would do well to prayerfully seek out the women God has appointed to shepherd, teach, and build up the females in their congregations and not limit their searches to the pastors’ wives.
2. A pastor’s wife may be gifted by God to do something else
God’s Spirit distributes spiritual gifts to serve the body “to each person as he wills” (1 Corinthians 12:11b, CSB, italics added). It may be that God gifts the pastor’s wife to lead the women’s ministry. Then, she absolutely should! But it could be He gifts her to teach the children, handle the church’s finances, serve shut-ins, or serve in any other number of capacities.
When we assume a role for the pastor’s wife without considering her gifting, not only do we misplace her, but we shortchange the work the Holy Spirit wants to do through her in another role. Additionally, we deny the woman who is gifted to lead the women’s ministry her God-assigned place in the local church.
3. A pastor’s wife may be directed by God to serve Him somewhere else
Depending on her age, stage of life, experiences, and training, God may intend for the pastor’s wife to focus her attention on people and tasks outside of the church. Some pastors’ wives are doctors, nurses, teachers, administrators, or business owners. Their professions not only help provide financially for their families but are also means through which they share the love and truth of the gospel to their co-workers and clients.
Other wives are using their time and efforts doing the vital job of nurturing their babies, teaching their children at home, and managing their households well. Still others undertake the demanding task of caring for aging parents full-time. And the list goes on.
The responsibility of leading the women’s ministry is important, but the pastor’s wife isn’t necessarily the one who should be carrying it out. The church should encourage her (and each member of the congregation) to discover the “good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10, CSB).
4. A pastor’s wife serves as an individual
When a church hires a pastor, they should never assume his wife will lead the women’s ministry as if it’s a two-for-one deal. The pastor and his wife are one flesh, yes, but have individual lives and, as we’ve seen, individual callings, giftings, and good works prepared by God for them to do. Both the pastor and his wife need the freedom to decide how she will use her time to enhance God’s kingdom.
“The pastor and his wife are one flesh, yes, but have individual lives and individual callings, giftings, and good works prepared by God for them to do.” — Nora Allison Share on XShould they so desire, and the church wish to hire the pastor’s wife, wonderful! But it should never expect free labor from her because of her marital vows. God clearly instructs His church that “the worker is worthy of his wages” (1 Timothy 5:18, CSB) and that pastors who are good leaders are “worthy of double honor” (1 Timothy 5:17, CSB). The church must lose its “buy one, get one free” mentality.
As is evident from the leaders God has chosen throughout history, His top picks are often unlikely people. He chose an orphaned, teenage Esther as Persia’s queen to save His people. A wise, married Deborah was God’s judge and mouthpiece to bring about a vital victory in battle. A stay-at-home wife, Jael, was God’s choice to use her hammering skill to defeat the captain of Israel’s enemy. God appointed the destitute, Moabite widow, Ruth, to perpetuate the lineage of Jesus.
Pastors wives and women’s ministry leaders
In our churches, we must avoid making assumptions of pastor’s wives, assigning them roles God may not have called them to, gifted them for, or directed them to do. Assuming God’s will without asking His direction is sinful.
Woe to the rebellious children!
This is the Lord’s declaration.
They carry out a plan, but not mine;
they make an alliance,
but against my will,
piling sin on top of sin.
Without asking my advice
they set out to go down to Egypt…” (Isaiah 30:1-2, CSB)
We must instead pursue the biblical basis for placing God’s people in their positions. God does the choosing, so we must prayerfully seek out the women He is calling. God does the gifting, so we must look for women whose gifts are commensurate with the role. And God does the directing, so we must engage with women to hear their hearts regarding where He wants them to serve. And God instructs the local church to remunerate generously and fairly.
Let’s seek God’s will, pray for the right leaders, and free up pastors’ wives to serve the Lord as He has ordained.
Nora Allison
she mentors women and speaks at women’s gatherings and retreats.
