While humility is a virtue we should celebrate and encourage, it’s essential to recognize how we may be expressing false humility.
By Aaron Summers
Humility is a highly regarded virtue in society. It’s often associated with modesty, selflessness, and a genuine lack of arrogance. However, some cleverly disguise their true intentions behind a facade of humility. There are at least five common ways people appear humble without embodying this virtue. First, let’s examine what humility is.
In Matthew 19:30, Jesus said, “Many who are first will be last, and the last first” (CSB). The disciples were pondering the end result of their investment in ministry. Jesus’s remark shows that the focus of our ministry is not the end result for ourselves. We have chosen a life of being last, but Jesus will bring us to the head of the line. To demand our place now smacks like the prodigal calling for his inheritance early.
In Matthew 20:16, Jesus said, “So the last will be first, and the first last” (CSB). The parable of the vineyard workers shows the Savior’s generosity in that regardless of when someone comes to faith, the result is heaven. The problem arises when those who have “worked” all day want something more. Jesus calls out their attitude of entitlement and demands humility.
Definitions of humility
The humble leader recognizes they didn’t get there alone and refuses to take the credit. He has no problems acknowledging the good things he and the church have now didn’t come from only him. The humble leader generates interest in others by shining a light on them. They see people as opportunities to meet needs rather than opportunities to get ahead.
According to one definition, “Humility is an attitude of spiritual modesty that comes from understanding our place in the larger order of things. It entails not taking our desires, successes, or failings too seriously.”
Others have identified six intrapersonal aspects of humility:
- A willingness to see ourselves truthfully
- An accurate perception of our place in the world
- An ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations
- Openness
- Low self-focus
- An appreciation of the value of all things
Now that we have examined what humility is, here are five ways we appear humble but are not. These are symptoms of false humility.
1. False compliments
One way people commonly fake humility is by complimenting others with ulterior motives. These individuals may shower others with praise, but they intend to receive compliments in return. Their compliments are not genuine expressions of admiration but rather a strategic approach to gain validation for themselves.
Think of this like giving a birthday gift to someone in hopes of them giving one to you. When they don’t, you are mad. This is a tell-tale sign of false giving. Compliments work the same way. We compliment someone because we want them to compliment us, too. If they don’t, we are frustrated.
2. Humble bragging
We’ve all encountered someone who manages to humblebrag effortlessly. These individuals subtly boast about themselves or their accomplishments while seemingly maintaining an air of modesty. By disguising their self-promotion as humility, they seek to draw attention to their achievements while avoiding direct arrogance.
Pastors can do this about their education when they bring it up in conversations. We can name-drop, acting like it is nothing, but we secretly love the attention. We can give testimonies of success that really shine a light on us rather than God, even if we use God in the testimony.
3. Selective listening
While true humility involves actively listening and valuing the opinions of others, some individuals use the pretense of humility to dismiss or ignore differing viewpoints. They may give the impression of being open-minded but only when it aligns with their own beliefs. This selective listening demonstrates a lack of genuine humility and a desire to control the conversation.
Leadership reveals blind spots when it comes to listening. How often do we overlook the “poor, wearied soul” to spark conversation with the mover and shaker in the community? Unfortunately, we can look humble by associating with the oppressed while still climbing a ladder of ego and pride.
“Unfortunately, we can look humble by associating with the oppressed while still climbing a ladder of ego and pride.” — @aaronwsummers Share on X4. Self-deprecation
Some people adopt the role of the underdog as a means of gaining sympathy or attention. They constantly downplay their abilities or achievements, seeking reassurance and validation from others. However, this false humility is merely a tactic to elicit praise and admiration rather than a true reflection of their self-perception.
It’s the end of worship, and you stand at the back to shake hands as people exit. As most pass by, they tell you, “Great sermon” or “Good one preacher.” Maybe you hear other positives. How do you react to these? Do we give it the “Aw shucks” response? Perhaps you have come up with something more humble and spiritual sounding like, “It’s not me; it’s the Holy Spirit.”
5. Hijacking
In certain situations, individuals may try to take credit for someone else’s success or accomplishments, presenting themselves as the humble supporter. They may downplay someone else’s contributions while subtly implying that they played a significant role in the achievement. This form of false humility is a manipulation tactic that seeks to steal the spotlight from others and inflate their own importance.
As A.W. Tozer said, “I have met two classes of Christians: the proud who imagine they are humble, and the humble who are afraid they are proud. There should be another class: the self-forgetful who leave the whole thing in the hands of Christ and refuse to waste any time trying to make themselves good. They will reach the goal far ahead of the rest.”
“I have met two classes of Christians: the proud who imagine they are humble, and the humble who are afraid they are proud.” — A.W. Tozer Share on XWhile humility is a virtue we should celebrate and encourage, it is essential to recognize how people can deceive others with false humility. False complimenting, humble bragging, selective listening, self-deprecating, and hijacking are just a few examples of how individuals may appear humble but not truly embody this virtue. By being aware of these behaviors, we can better navigate social interactions and identify genuine humility.
For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.
Aaron Summers
Aaron serves as the pastor of First Baptist in Crowley, Texas, as a church consultant with Texas Baptists and owns RestoringSignificance.com, an organizational coaching company. He and his wife Dulcie have two kids in college and enjoy traveling in their RV.
