Counting the Cost: Why Having Children is Priceless Despite the Price Tag

Even if you pinch pennies, there’s no getting around the financial cost of having children. But what is the cost of not having children?

By Mike Leake

Mark and Jenny had only been married for a couple months when the news came that they were pregnant. Their baby would arrive around Thanksgiving. What a blessing this would be! Truth be told, though, Mark is a little scared. They were barely making it with two of them. What would happen when a child was added to the equation?

According to one study, it will cost roughly $306,924 to raise a child born in November of 2023. That means, on average, the couple will spend $17,051.33 per year on Junior for the next 18 years. Some estimates are even higher. One study from 2021 estimated a price tag of $21,681 annually for raising a child.

In Luke 14:28-30, Jesus encourages people to count the cost before following Him. He wants His disciples to know before they start the journey that being a disciple of Jesus will cost everything. But it’s worth it. The cost of not following Jesus is even greater.

Should we similarly count the cost of having children?

Are kids too costly?

Some time ago, comedienne Chelsea Handler made a video celebrating childlessness. It was meant for comedy, but she was also aiming to make a serious point. Many women are choosing childlessness, and Handler didn’t want women to be shamed for this choice. Motherhood is hard, she said, and we shouldn’t shame anyone for not wanting to go through it. She then proceeded to glory in her day in the life of a childless woman.

Handler isn’t alone here. As birth rates continue to plummet in the U.S. (despite a slight uptick in 2022), it’s obvious that more and more are choosing childlessness or at least smaller families. More than 2 in 5 (44%) of those aged 18-49 say it is not likely they will have children someday. There are many reasons for this, but for many it’s simply too costly.

More than 2 in 5 (44%) of those aged 18-49 say it is not likely they will have children someday, according to Pew Research. Share on X

More than a financial price to pay

Speaking in financial terms, kids really are costly. Even if you pinch pennies, there’s no getting around the financial cost of having children. One study found 1 in 5 parents of children under the age of 18 say the cost of childcare is their biggest financial stressor. Perhaps this is also why 1 in 5 U.S. parents of children under 18 say they are not planning on having a second child because the cost would be too high.

Parenting also exacts an emotional toll. Most people believe having children will make you happier. But, as one writer said, “for the last 30 years, studies have repeatedly found that people without children are happier than parents in the United States and in many developed countries.” Stress, sleep deprivation, and relationship struggles are heightened when children are involved.

This is not to mention that having children can be costly for your career, your health, and your lifestyle. Some are even foregoing childbirth because they believe it would be bad for the environment. Having a child will impact you in every single facet of your life.

Children are costly. But what is the cost of not having children?

The cost of not having children

I will argue here that children are most definitely worth it. Before I do this, though, I want to make clear that being a parent doesn’t make one more pleasing in the sight of God. We each have our own walk with Christ. It very well might be that having children is not the call which God has upon your life. If that is the case, embrace it. Jesus did not have any biological children either.

“Being a parent doesn’t make one more pleasing in the sight of God. We each have our own walk with Christ.” — @mikeleake Share on X

Having said this, I would not trade being a parent for one moment. I would pay that $300,000 over and over and over for the rest of my life. I will willingly pay the emotional toll and every “negative” consequence that is required. There are many reasons for this.

1. Children are made in the image of God

All children are made in the image of God. Creating one more image bearer is always worth it. God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28, CSB). When we have children, we are spreading God’s glory. Yes, the fall has caused the image of God to be marred. But each child is a precious image-bearer. This is worth anything we’d have to pay.

2. Children are a blessing from God

Children are costly, but they are a blessing. Psalm 127:3-5 says:

Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord,
offspring, a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the sons born in one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them.
They will never be put to shame
when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.

CSB

I don’t employ this verse to say my children are arrows to be used in a culture war. Our children positively shape our household. Earlier, I shared statistics showing children don’t make parents happier. But that’s not the entire story. Parents tend to be happier than non-parents as they age. There’s a deeper satisfaction which also comes with having children. Once some of the stressors of parenting are removed, the blessings of having had children are more prominent. The reality is very few people regret having children.

3. Children help us understand God’s heart

Having children has helped me understand God’s heart. I once used an illustration that had a group of teenagers furious with me—at least until my conclusion. I began by showing them a picture my son had drawn for me. He was around four or five at the time, and his picture reflected the work of a preschooler. Nothing was proportional. It didn’t have a unified theme. The cat or unicorn-looking creature had six legs. The sun was in the corner of the picture, yet nothing cast a shadow.

So, I mocked it. I showed the picture to our teenagers and pointed out every flaw in it. The kids were appalled. How could I judge my own son with such harsh standards? What kind of dad was I that I’d treat my kid like this?

“Why,” I asked, “do you think God treats you this way?”

I then explained how much I loved that picture my son drew. It was beautiful. That six-legged creature was an expression of his love. He drew that picture for me.

My obedience is muddy. My attempts to follow Jesus are worse than a six-legged cat. Yet, I believe Scripture portrays a God—yes, a God who is unflinchingly holy—putting our sloppy obedience on His refrigerator.

Having kids has helped me understand God’s love for me. Even the difficulty of raising kids helps in my sanctification. There have been times I saw things in my children I could’ve never seen in myself. But my love for my kids has helped me understand God’s love for me in a unique way. If I, though sinful, am able to love my imperfect kids like this, how much more does God?

“Having kids has helped me understand God’s love for me. Even the difficulty of raising kids helps in my sanctification.” — @mikeleake Share on X

4. A reminder that life isn’t about us

Sometimes when I’m attempting to make a decision, I will universalize it. What would happen if every person made this decision? We can see that when it comes to having children this would be catastrophic. There we be no more generations. Humanity would die with us.

Children are a reminder that our discipleship is meant to touch a generation we will never see. Life doesn’t terminate with us. When we are dead and gone there will be other generations praising the Lord. Will this be through our influence? Will we play some small part in this? We will if we’ve been discipling our own children.

You can touch a generation you’ll never see if you do not have a child. But you can also do this by having other humans in your home every day for years. When we lead them on the path of Jesus, they will certainly multiply that impact in years to come. Children are reminders that life isn’t about us.

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Yes, children are costly. There is a steep price tag. But they are worth every penny. They are worth every tear that is shed. Having children is a priceless gift. Just as with counting the cost of following Christ, we’ve counted the cost of children and determined it is worth it.

For permission to republish this article, contact Marissa Postell Sullivan.