The problem in most relationships is not that fights occur. There will be fights, arguments, and disagreements. After all, you did marry a human being. Two imperfect beings coming together doesn’t make a perfect union. All couples fight in their relationships; few truly fight for their relationships.
My wife and I have had our fair share of heated arguments. One thing that’s helped us over the years is fighting for our marriage. Neither of us are content with merely surviving. We don’t always get it right, but we strive to have a relationship that thrives instead of simply making it through another day.
Serving in ministry, one of the greatest tactics of the enemy is to get couples to fight in their marriage. He knows the best way to attack a ministry is to attack the marriage of the leaders in that ministry.
Maybe you are ready to throw in the towel. Maybe you have already settled and thought, “This is just the way it’s going to be.” No, it doesn’t have to be that way!
One of you or both must choose today to begin fighting again and here are three ways to do so.
1. On Your Knees
It’s time to fight like a man—a man of God. It’s time to fight like a woman—a woman of God. Grab each other’s hand and get on your knees together. Cry out and ask God to do what you can’t do on your own. If your spouse won’t, then start today and get on your knees and pray for your spouse. God can to do more in a moment than you could ever do in a lifetime of nagging or manipulation.
2 Chronicles 20:12 says, “We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” When you don’t know what to do or where to go, it’s time to drop to your knees! It’s time to say, “God, I can’t but YOU can!”
2. By Faith, Not Feelings
Your feelings will lie to you. Your feelings will tell you that you are better off with someone else, nothing is ever going to change, the grass is greener on the other side, etc. Don’t believe the lies!
In Christ you are more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4), God will complete what He has started in your life and marriage (Philippians 1:6), He has promised you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
When Jesus enters the equation, your best days are ahead and what was impossible now becomes possible through Him!
Choices lead. Feelings follow. Sometimes the best way to love is by faith. Your feelings will eventually follow. Don’t ride the roller coaster of feelings. Live and love by faith.
3. In the Spirit, Not the Flesh
My flesh has gotten me in trouble over the years. I’ve said things I shouldn’t, done things I regret, and I’m sure much worse. The fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Whose relationship wouldn’t be better with these in them?! This is a by-product of being filled with God’s Spirit. He is someone we must yield to every day. The pathway is surrender. Surrender your bitterness, anger, regrets, and anything else that is holding your relationship back from all God has.
God cares more than you could ever imagine. He wants to provide hope and healing but you must let Him.
Never forget this: If you want what few have you must be willing to do what few do!
It’s not easy but it is worth it. Fight today and every day for your relationships. The greatest thing you can do for your family and your ministry is to have a healthy marriage. The greatest thing you can do for future generations of your family tree is fight for your marriage. Future generations will be impacted by your choice today to fight for your marriage.
What are some other ways you fight for your marriage?